After Afterall...

"For this is what we do. Put one foot forward and then the other. Lift our eyes to the snarl and smile of the world once more. Think. Act. Feel. Add our little consequence to the tides of good and evil that flood and drain the world. Drag our shadowed crosses into the hope of another night. Push our brave hearts into the promise of a new day. With love: the passionate search for truth other than our own. With longing: the pure, ineffable yearning to be saved. For so long as fate keeps waiting, we live on. God help us. God forgive us. We live on." 

- Shantaram -

I am constantly drawn to this book. There is something about the story of Gregory David Roberts that just got me stuck from the moment I started reading it nearly SIX years ago. As I scribe the dribble of these blog posts I am aware that in no way do these words match up to the great authors of the past. And in a similar fashion I realise that the lyrics of songs have that same magic that take stock of the meaning I as a person can never express adequately words. 

This year has started. 2015. So far ONE TWELFTH nearly done and dusted. Accomplishments...managed to get out of bed and brush my teeth everyday...oh wait, scratch that, there was that one day that I forgot the latter. [shrieking cries of disgust]. I vowed I'd start this year differently, I'd pray more, I'd think of ways to be kinder, I'd be more helpful, I'd manage my money better, I'd forget about him......... "Push our brave hearts into the promise of a new day...". Matters of the heart do not tread lightly on my mind. They stamp and tantrum and constrict my mind-linked-heart in bondage. We are AFTERALL looking for love of some kind... 

"...just fumbling through the grey. Trying to find a heart that's not walking away..."

And it's oh so difficult watching friends and family struggle with matters of the heart. Parents not speaking to their children, children not making time for their parents, singletons waiting for the love of their life, married people wondering if they missed the whole "love of their life" thing, friends strewed across continents, and the list could go on. 

Thus as I look at the rest of the year I will strive to be less lonely, give my company to the lonely and perhaps somewhere along the way...who knows...

Ships in the Night - Mat Kearney
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCkfTCjF8SM

After Afterall - William Fitzimmons
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoigfEk9NUY

(Black) to normal...

Finally the sun shines. Not literally cause I live in London but philosophically. Good joke! 

Love that my favourite coffee dealer plays Ram Jam's Black Betty at 8:30am. 

Black Betty - Ram Jam

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbjyuDYtAtk

Just My Soul Responding... (an open apology)...

I'm usually quite good with words but I suppose this time it is more about the meaning behind them than structuring this eloquently. TWENTY FOURTEEN was by far the most difficult year I've ever faced. I thought that things couldn't get much worse after 2013 but the emotional rollercoaster that I went on in 2014 won and took some of the best of me with it. 

I'm at the point where New Year's Eve feels irrelevant, New Year's resolutions feel silly, and changes to my life feel nearly impossible. But I do feel that 2013 and 2014 may have had their way but 2015 will be different.

I suppose I write this as an open apology to the people who tried to stand by me but were shutdown, tried to give be hope but were ignored, tried to help me out but were insulted. I'm sorry. It was just my soul responding.

May 2015 see a revival of who I once was, who I want to be and who I should be.

Stay With Me - Sam Smith
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB-5XG-DbAA
　
Just My Soul Responding - Amber Run
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8TysH2a-io