I sit here staring at this blank sheet in front of me and I am
wary of what this post will become and evolve into. I have never been one
to share my feelings openly on social media. Mostly I dance around the
truth of anything real and shut off the emotions. We all do it though.
We publish our best pieces. The highlight reel. Our greatest work and leave all the rubbish at the
bottom of our beds so that it can haunt our dreams quietly when we are
alone. I rarely see anyone posting a
status on a Friday night, “Alone at home in my pjs, crying, heartbroken, eating
ice cream #nofriends”.
It’s fair though right and we justify it by telling ourselves we
are open with the people that matter.
But are we? Really are we. Frankly it’s just easier pretending we are
ok. Not only for us but for the people
around us. No one and I mean no one
wants to hear of another person’s anguish when they themselves are in pain. But therein lies the problem, we never know
how anyone is REALLY doing.
Our conversations go like this…
‘Hey [name], how you doing?’
‘Yeah, I’m fine thanks, how you?’ (inside: I’m so sad and I just
want to cry all the time)…
‘Yeah same, busy busy you know.’ (inside: I should probably tell
them what happened to me but no man, seriously they won’t care)…
‘Yeah I know, same. Anyway, I’ll see you around.’
And then we walk away from each other and have the same conversation
with a different person.
I guess now could be the time where I am real and tell anyone who
remotely glimpses over this blog how I am really doing. Honestly sh*t. The
tears are never gone and as they well up at the back of my eyes I think to myself ‘look
down, you are on public transport, no one needs to deal with an emotional
blonde girl’. But the sadness is JUST.ALWAYS.THERE. (Note to self: do a Facebook
friends clean-up before you share this post).
But seriously this is not some cry for help or anything. I am a happy person and luckily with JOY I
know that this too shall pass (somehow the emotional side takes its time when catching up with the logic). But I have
been blessed with an unwavering peace in the storms and I am never far from the
silver lining. Yet still there are times when life hurts and we are bashed
around and beaten up and used and abused and the world falls in crumbles around
us and it sucks. It hurts. And we vow to do things differently the next time.
Be better. Be careful. But we inevitably
won’t and we will find ourselves in the same place exactly a YEAR later thinking ‘I saw this
coming’.
In God we need to place our hope and constantly believe that something better is always coming. And it is. It really is. But there are the valleys first to get through. And sometimes they are just downright difficult.
In God we need to place our hope and constantly believe that something better is always coming. And it is. It really is. But there are the valleys first to get through. And sometimes they are just downright difficult.
He promised you the world,
And now that same old world is just getting smaller.
I told you all the time,
Please be careful with your love.
A Year Ago Today - Bears Den
No comments:
Post a Comment